I woke up at 4:30 this morning, and by 5:00 I decided there was no going back to sleep, so it was time to get ready for the day. I turned the shower on and played with the dials, trying to find which one made hot water. India, it turns out, is not as hot as you may imagine. The mornings are quite cool, and I was not enthusiastic about the idea of a cold shower. The water went from icy cold to cold, and I knew this was all I was going to get. I gingerly inched closer to the water, trying to ease myself into the frigid downpour but this maneuver was useless. There was no other way. I held my breath and stepped in.
It was as if my body thought I might just die in that moment. My heart was racing, I was gasping for air, my body was confused. But after a few moments of misery, I could feel my body getting used to it. The water was still cold and unpleasant, but I was no longer panicking. By the end of the shower, the water felt not quite pleasant, but certainly not wholly unpleasant either. Just simple acceptance of the condition.
It struck me that this was a perfect metaphor for how our experience in India will be. There is no way to prepare for India. No way for us, in our land of high-speed access and fast food, to dip our feet in the water. And having landed here yesterday, that initial panic quickly set in. That physiological response. I'm in a country where I am unfamiliar with the customs, the language, the social boundaries, everything. I have never felt more defined by my gender. And in a land where for once, my skin color puts me in the majority, I am still a vulnerable outsider. Yesterday was a day of sheer trepidation.
Yet I'd be lying if I said I don't feel a connection with this place. Something in my blood pulls me towards it, even as my mind fills with doubts. And I think at the end of the day, that's why I'm here. Because India, for me, is the Motherland. Even though I grew up in a different world, she was always a part of it. And this is an experience that I needed to have. This is my pilgrimage. And I'm sure that the water will begin to feel less cold.
- Mairin
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5 comments:
Great post Mairin!
I love the metaphor, and I can see that your heart is in the right place and that your work, effort and words will inspire many USC students to participate in the program and continue with your project in the future. Take care and do great things.
Juan Felipe Vallejo
USC Stevens.
Hey Mairin,
So good to hear about your experiences in India. Keep up the great postings as we are waiting to hear more.
Love,
Ma and Pa
Nothing like a good cold shower to wake you up in the morning. We're waiting to hear about all those cultural faux pas…
Great work Mairin. Continue with all your good work. We are all looking forward to sharing in your experiences, thoughts and pictures.
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