You haven't heard from me for the past few days because I've been sick.
Yep. For better or for worse, mine was more of a flu than the expected GI problems... But it was enough to keep me out of commission for about three days. Plus the first day of complete and utter denial of illness.
So I was the first one to suffer through the viral rights of passage, and now I'm feeling more much more entitled to embrace my own identity as a foreigner in this country. There is no way for me to meld into this society. Sickness has given me a fear and a realization of fragility. I need a barrier between myself and the raw-ness of this country. You can't try to push through and become local. I almost died…. Okay….I didn't almost die. Not even close. but it was still pretty bad.
At any rate, you've caught me feeling a little bit more than bitter.
Which brings me to the center of my sore feelings. Us girls are living in the college girls hostel, which was not unexpected. Boys aren't allowed in, ever, and, here's the worst part, we have a curfew of 10pm. If we're not back by curfew, they lock the doors and scold us when we get back. This is probably the most frustrating thing about living here. It is indescribably aggravating to feel like I have to be home by a certain time. I haven't had a curfew in almost a decade.
I feel trapped, caged in. We work all day, far longer and harder than a 9-5 summer internship, and then the boys get to have a relatively relaxing night out while the girls need to hurriedly finish up dinner and make it back before the warden condemns us. Our boys are as accommodating as they can be, but we weren't told it would be like this before we got here. We're coming here as equally empowered American women, we're working hard, and perhaps our struggle as foreign women in this country is harder, and now we have to be policed too. I'm not saying we need to stay out until 2AM. I just desire the freedom to move about as I wish, without being treated like a petulant child that doesn't know how to take care of herself. Even after days of being sick, my issue is still with this inequality. Discrimination, even in its most menial forms, has an odour and quality that is intrinsically repugnant. It becomes more stifling as the days pass.
Other than that, and my currently weak constitution, our project seems to be making headway. We had a press release picked up by REUTERS today. Check it out.
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2 comments:
I'm glad you're better but as a female, I'm rather indignant on your behalf. I'm a grad student at USC and if I, perchance, were to participate in an endeavor like this, and was told that I had a curfew when I'm in my late twenties, I think my response would include a lot more than indignation. I don't at all think it's fair that you and your team aren't afforded the gender equality that we experience here in the states. I think that if developing nations want our help, they should take some lessons in human rights.
Regarding the previous comment to this post, adapting to different cultural mores is tough, and we have all struggled with it a little bit. However, playing by "Indian rules" is necessary for us to assimilate enough to accomplish what we need to here. We didn't come to change India into America, and we have very specific goals for our program. For the record, no one here in India necessarily NEEDS or help, nor did they specifically ASK for it. We came on our own regard, to address a need we identified ourselves. Furthermore, a ten pm curfew is not necessarily a human rights issue, but rather reflects different cultural expectations for the genders. It is easy for us, as Western females, to complain about the slightly limited freedom we may have in this culture, but we must also bear in mind the incredible opportunity we have to be here and the fact that we are learning from India, easily as much as "India" is learning from us.
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